Teaching Myself To Dream
by suspend your disbelief
Summary: [Songfic] An event randomly stumbled upon could set the stage for a fabulous, enexpected event... [KK]


Ugh…another sign that I should NEVER write pure WAFF. O-o; I need blood…sadness..something.

Enjoy this, because it took me a long time to write. XD; Just don't die.

Disclaimer: Not mine. The end.

Song: Not mine. Thanks to the library, which let me rent out this cd, so I got this idea. - And thanks to Katy Rose, who sings this wonderful song called, "Teaching Myself To Dream".

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{I throw myself into the rain  
As we run down these old train  
Tracks again}

We were insane, or close to it. We had to be, to do something like we did that night. It was about mid-evening, just after the sky was red with dusk, but before the stars came out. Almost like a dark, but light blue.

The exact color of my eyes, he called it. I never thought he noticed.

We found ourselves walking along the side of the deserted steam train tracks, hand in hand. I don't know why, I just was about to slip on the rain soaked path and he caught me in his arms, as if it were natural.

"You're going to fall, Kaoru-dono, if you keep this up." He told me, as he righted me on my feet again, taking my hand in his again.

I never thought it would happen. I wanted it to, I really did enjoy it. Even the touch of his hand clasped in mind…he had a definite strength, almost like a controlling quality that could get me to smile, with every reassuring squeeze of his hand as he thought I was going to possibly fall.

My hair was drenched, the ribbon being stored in my kimono for at least an hour, it just didn't need to be up when it was that wet, but it resulted in my hair being plastered to my face and back of my kimono, a light pink and sea foam green spring outfit, which was luckily not see through when wet. That would have been humiliating…as a mere understatement.

We originally were heading to the market, but got sidetracked over a bridge when we were talking and it began to pour rain. We were too far to go back to the dojo, just as well, since I had a suspicious, yet calming feeling that neither of us were ready to go home.

We hid under various trees, luckily there was no lightning to make us wary. Just another spring shower, and after a few minutes, it merely lessened, and we continued walking on what seemed like a path to nowhere, but I was just fine with that, as long as he was by my side.

{The moon is naked in the sky  
So maybe you and I could fly  
Or pretend }

I wish I could fly. Just to be gone from all that tied us down here, if only for a moment, and fly, to be free. To make Kenshin forget the past, to release the worries, to…

To just be free, making peace with all the danger.

The clouds, by then, had parted enough to allow the soft glare from the moon to shine down on us, casting a sharp, distinct glow to alight his features with a certain feeling of importance, as if the sky was favoring him…favoring us.

{As the stars fall from grace  
And light your glowing face}

He stopped, and gently lifted my chin so I could gaze above his head and to the stars.

'If I had one wish…it would be to never wake up from the dream…' I thought this to myself, as a star shot down from the sky.

A shooting star.

"It seems as if Kami-sama is favoring us, doesn't it?" Kenshin had somehow seen the shooting star as well.

"Yes…Tell me, Kenshin, what were you wishing for?"

He blushed, though it was faint and difficult to tell with the darkness shrouding us.

"It means nothing, Kaoru-dono…don't worry about it."

And per his request, I let it go.

{I'm teaching' myself to dream  
I'm holding my breath to scream}

This was....exciting, exhilarating, new to me. I wanted to scream, I was so happy just to be with him...and maybe, just maybe, I wasn't dreaming. Maybe he did care for me. The way he looked at me just a moment ago sent chills up my spine. I knew I shouldn't have been so close…I shouldn't have been preparing myself for something that never came….But for so long I was tempted, for so long I wanted to be like this, I would allow myself the years of heartbreak for this short moment of bliss. It seemed so equal, in a distorted way.

{I'm teaching myself to believe in the things I don't understand,  
I don't even know if they're true  
That's what dreamers do}

Love is so fickle. I know what I am experiencing is love, nothing but true devotion to this man…But I don't understand how I could feel so strongly and not even realize until it was too late. I couldn't reverse it. In fact, I didn't believe in love for a short time. I suppose being eighteen and without a lover made me bitter…

..But I knew someday, my hopes would be revived, my dreams would no longer be shattered.

And all of those miracles came in this red haired samurai who stumbled into my life on a negative note.

{I can't say what day it is or year  
But thou shalt have no fear  
For I know your name}

He looked into my eyes, and I suddenly fell lost in his. Pools of the most spectacular amethyst…I could hardly remember my name, or anything of the sort. He had me mesmerized, and he knew it just as well as I did. He was cruel, using that advantage over me, so subtly, if the slight smirk on his face was any indication. But I knew I could turn the tables…Hopefully, this wouldn't cost me everything…

{You can't believe what I did  
And maybe I'm just a kid}

"Kenshin…?" My question, his name, sounded so tentative coming out of my mouth, and I knew not only my voice was shaking.

"Yes, Kaoru-dono…?" He seemed to be interested in what I had to say. A shame I didn't really have anything to speak to him about.

I stood on the tips of my toes, and gently placed my lips over his, wondering why I was taking such a chance --if I was too bold, of too forward, and he didn't feel the same way about me, I would be in for such a rude awakening. I never thought I would be kissing Kenshin…nor the other way around. But it felt beautiful, as we stood there for a short moment, connected in our bond.

{But then we're both the same.}

He pulled away, slowly, gazing at me with nothing short of curiosity.

"Kaoru--" He was about to use the honorific, but stopped himself. Did this mean…no, it couldn't…

"I'm sorry," I managed to choke out, "That was too forward of me--"

"Then I am sorry, too…" He pulled me closer to him, and before I could even guess what was about to happen, his lips were over mine, kissing me with such a passion, I thought my head would spin…

He relaxed his grip on me, as if trying to warn himself that I was some kind of….young girl. He was trying to protect me, even from himself, though with unnecessary caution.

{I watch the hours through the glass  
And know the time will finally pass}

As if time stood still when he kissed me, time seemed to race ahead when he finally let go of me, staring at me with something similar to regret, but happiness in his eyes. Time was moving forward at a rapid pace, probably because the best thing in my life had just happened to me --not only my first kiss, but a small declaration (hopefully) of love for me.

"What's wrong?" I had to ask, because the way he was looking down at me was alarming.

"I'm sorry, Kaoru…I went too far…so soon, I'm sorry--"

I quickly cut him off, enough was enough. "As long as you keep calling me Kaoru, without the honorific, you have nothing to worry about."

His eyes were shining; even I knew he wasn't feeling any regret, anymore.

It didn't need to be said; it was already clearly stated-- I was more than his landlady; a girl to protect. And he was much more than someone to do my errands….As some people were quick to point out.

{I'm teaching myself to dream  
I'm learning what love can be }

Without another word, we began walking down the side of the railroad tracks, the cicadas chirping, almost in celebration of what happened that evening. We were walking hand in hand, quietly, as both of us had seemingly nothing and everything to tell the other. Surprisingly, I wasn't blushing at all, and neither was he. We had been seeing this coming for a long time…

…Was that the true meaning of love?

{I'm teaching myself to  
Believe in the things I don't understand  
I don't even know if they're true  
That's what dreamers do }

I wasn't sure if what I was doing was right --if I was acting too shy, or not enough. If I was supposed to act meek and demure, but whatever, whoever I was, Kenshin seemed to not find a thing wrong with me, not that I was aware of, anyways. I knew there were, according to Megumi and Tae, some "rules" to 'getting and keeping' a man…But why couldn't I just be myself? I didn't think that love needed to be so complicated, especially if it were true love. If it were true love that was so fabled in tales and stories, then everything would have to work out on it's own accord, right? Happily ever after?

{Stapled eyes can't open until waking  
And all your lies will be your undertaking}

I couldn't believe this had happened so long after we had met. As if we were blind, lying to ourselves that this would never come to surface. Almost as if we were denying this to ourselves because of some unseen evil that would haunt us for the rest of our lives. And that may very well happen. I could die in the heat of battle, nearly like the evening under the moon, when Kurogasa had me under his spell. But even if I were to die by a blade of his enemy, or by sadness at when he would undoubtedly leave me again --it was worth it, because right now, in that moment in time, I felt like I was really his lady, and that would never change.

(I let my mind dance and flowWe'll make magic and I'll know  
  
"Kaoru,... come here…" He had my hand, and pulled me up onto a wooden platform, where most waited and held their baggage while waiting for the locomotive.

I gazed at him, my eyes questioning, as he took both of my hands and made sure that they were around his neck; his hands on my hips.

We were to dance? And in the western style, to top it all. But he seemed to know what he was doing, carefully guiding me one way, and then another, careful to not step on my feet, as I did the same to not step on his. He let go of my waist, and I dropped my arms, as he took my hand and spun me around, my face flushed. Whether it be from dancing, or by blushing at the proximity of our bodies, I had no idea.

He spun me back to my original position, and I wrapped my arms around him in an embrace, my head resting on his chest. We were quiet for a long while, slowly moving our feet rhythmically to the unheard, music.

{As the lilacs slowly grow  
All my dreams are true}

Spring....spring showers brought flowers, the proverb told. And I could see the flowers lining the platform. So had Kenshin, who had in fact seen them before I did --he had picked one with out my noticing, and placed it behind my ear, the bud near the corner of my left eye.

"It compliments your kimono," He explained, though didn't have to.

And then I knew it was forever.

{I'm teaching myself to dream  
I'm holding my breath to scream  
I'm teaching myself to believe in the things I don't understand,  
I don't even know if they're true….  
That's what dreamers do}

"Kenshin…." I murmured, my head resting on his chest. "I can't believe this is happening…" It was a dream, and I didn't want to wake up from it.

"Believe it…" He murmured, as we continued to step in time. "I'll never leave your side, Kaoru. I can promise you that…I'll always be here to protect you."

"And love me. Kenshin, I don't so much need someone to protect me….as I need someone to love me." I spoke, my voice shaking slightly. I couldn't believe what I just said.

"Aishiteru."

My eyes spoke disbelief, but I smiled. "Mou aishiteru…."

"Always."

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I hope you're still alive….thanks for reading!


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